Is this my calling?

Tuesday, 21 May 2019

Paths and thoughts 
So since I've grown to know myself throughout the years I've always known I'm always at a restless phase, it can be good yet comes with some downfalls. Always pacing ready to make a change as drastic or simple I always need to leap never caring at times if the ground will ever hold me or for how long.  
And if you've been along with me in this journey of life you probably have noticed. I'm not the same every year, besides from emotions that are not as paced to change. I fall in love with new things and can deeply fall out too. 

I remember sharing some of my thoughts on Instagram about how I somehow feel a change in waters and can never settle. The turning point came last November, my husband had an accident and was hurt badly. Following those undeniable feelings, I had to move on, my bag is always ready on my back

Doors and roles?
Closing a door just makes you look at the other one's wide open waiting for you. Eltwakel is what takes you out of any doubts اعقلها وتوكل. That same time in November, I was going through a lot of pressure, our daily lives were been suddenly altered, that all lasted for months and until this day our lives remain changed. One day my husband was opening the door walking through the next he was unable to.  Many unwell thoughts and hidden worries came rushing back. 

One night I sat by myself long enough and made many changes. One of was making a choice to close all business in Libya and close both my businesses on Etsy sunzdid and Palmartly for the time being, I was unable to deal with anything other than my family and own state of mind, so I gave myself a good long holiday, taking care of those who matter most. 

The question of what's my role in life? has been forever in the back of my mind. It was certainly not just designing and illustrating for clients (nothing wrong with that if that's your passion and profession) nor it was working extremely hard to make a palm leaf project turned business.  

Bigger and louder
There was something forever screaming inside of me, that little voice just got bigger, louder, and bolder, like a pulsing vein never to be calmed. I have always kept it away as a secret being a scientist until last December. I don't know maybe it was because Instagram was not the place for science, maybe I thought the connections and friendships I've made there will get eventually bored of me talking about protecting a wild animal or why do this rather than that because that is untrue, etc.

At that time of transition, one day I just started posting science-based stories on Instagram with no preparation beforehand (I'm sure I bored many). And I just could never stop, I had so many positive comments all were full of appreciation and encouragement alhamdulillah. 

Nature walks are the most loved activity we all enjoy equally, lessons and memories are built equally

Since that day I have been making lists of endless things to share, drawing, researching, and writing. I'm unable to work now in this stage of my life not as a Zoologist nor as a Biotechnologist. My family remains my priority, my physical and mental health equally in hopes I'm making a good balance.  

But I might as well share many things and make science accessible for everyone from the comfort of my home whilst my littles are playing around in front of me. Now, this is what I do every day I read, write and draw so much. Make memories with the people I love most, growing and learning each day with them. Maybe it will open an undiscovered door?

An illustration from Old city in Tripoli, Adam just naturally joined in

Critical thinking and scepticism 
See we are all different and analyze things differently, scientific analysis in many everyday encounters is not usual to many. That's why many people end up in trouble due to their lack of judgment in that particular matter. And I don't blame them as much as I blame the people that know that untrue information spreading in this age and its accessibility by social media and understanding the potential harms of it.

Why not share your knowledge with others?  why is it not common to use critical thinking? why don't people ask enough questions? why are they not skeptical? why those that hold the answers like to hold them forever? why not make science accessible to everyone? I don't mean it on a molecular level, just simplify things to be understood by the mainstream well based on scientific evidence and not based on opinion or experience.
All other fields of focus are well lit in our societies. I then figured out all the answers to my own questions, my own curiosity opened a door.

Why did I learn in the first place? why don't I use the platform I have and make an influence and (no you don't have to have hundreds of thousands following you to make an influence nor you have to be inspiring in just particular matters in life), you can have one ear listening to you and you can have a positive change on someone's life.  

I still remember how I felt when people told me how they were using less plastic bags and one telling me how she now uses her families old gouffa.  Once a very kind previous client of mine told me "thank you for putting yourself out there, you're very brave, we're learning".

 I felt so incredibly happy, we're all learning together, just some folks are naturally more vocal! then I realised I'm doing something here, all the words, photos, and questions I share are noticed.

So maybe it is my call to share some knowledge that impacts daily lives and choices. Tell them all about what I 've been told, what I've read, researched, and even worked in? share my experiences and thoughts? share that piece of me wholeheartedly hoping for nothing but public benefit and something to give light when I'm six foot deep down.

Promo Photos were taken for the University during my MSc thesis lab work. Photo by Denny Conway.  
This s where my love of amber glass jars comes from

Just be one thing, can you?
Many adviced me to get one thing in focus, either my business or focus on life in general! 
So I was told to focus on being a mother and artist! but am I just that?
I started life as a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, a friend, a scientist that turned her all-time hobby and passion into a business. 
Should you just box people? am I not subject to growth, development, and change? do I have to be always what you seemed to judge me by? since day one? the answer is NO and none of us are nor should allow any to do that to us.

So not to confuse you but I'm all of the above. 

Enough sunshine for all
Maybe it's clearer now that I walk my own path and never compete with anyone but my self. 
Just a thought to share is that not everyone you cross paths with in life is competing with you, I promise you grass is greener on your side. I was raised to know there is enough sunshine for all.

You have a purpose in life you're not just a number or an untold story, you are a story with light and darkness fierce and ferocious. Look for it, sit with yourself, be hard but gentle, ask yourself all the questions, answer them. Fix the fixable, cut the dead ends, and walk through. There's much more inside of you.

So, have you found your calling?

طرقات و أفكار
من صغري ومن زمان لاحظتها فيا، اني ديما في حالة عدم استقرار الشي هذا يكون ايجابي وكويس في هلبه أمور بس مرات مش كويس. ديما وكأني نتحرك في مكاني نستني في لحظه يصير اي تغير ونمشي انقز للخطوه اللي بعدها في مرات تكون مدروسه كويسه ومرات تجي اوقات وين تكون مش بيدي ولا تخطيطي ولكن امور تصير مش في يدي.
ولو انت متابعة لمدونتي او متابعتني عالإنستقرام ممكن تكوني لاحظتي ان اهتمامتي تتغير ونتعلم شي جديد ندرسه ونحب نشاركه

نتذكر في نوفمبر العام اللي فات كتبت على كيف ان نحس في تغيير في المياه (كتعبير) نحس توا وقت التغيير ولازم نشوف حل جديد وفي شي لازم يتيغر تغيير جذري في حياتي. وكانت وحده من هذه اللحظات اللي مش بيدي وقت راجلي كان في حادث وتعب فتره طويلهفي هذاكا الوقت شفت ان التغيير لازم وضروري. ديما نستخدم فيتشبيه نقوله ديما شنطتي على ظهري في جميع تفاسيرها بأن الحياة مش دايما وايضاً (كل يوم هو في شأن) احوالنا عمرها ماتدوم كلها بيده سبحانه.


  1. I read this twice what a beautiful post Shosho. I have asked myself that questions countless of times. HAVE not heard the answer yet :((( is this meaning you no longer want to draw at all?? don't do that please love :((


    1. Thank you love, you'll find it mimi I'm sure, follow your heart it will lead you.
      Than ask yourself whats the thing that's almost consistanly on your mind and you enjoy and have a flaming fire for?

      No no not at all, still doing that will draw forever inshallah. Just a wandering a bit x

  2. why u say that about arts u work for years in design logos and made many paintings water color now u say not u call ? u dont want anymre wokring. i see that not respectful on artests plaese can u do posts in arabic i follwded u on insta and now commented on post


    1. Thats alright dear, people change :)
      No disrespect for anyone here, I made a living out of illustarting and designing for almost four years. I was just saying it was never my ultimate passion Science was always dominant. But equally parallel in many ways too.

      I'll try to inshallah, its just some are a bit harder to translate into Aabic. But inshallah I'll promise I'll do an effort. Thank you x

  3. Sorry to hear your husband had an accident...In sha Allah he is fully recovered now?

    Agree with this: I was raised to know there is enough sunshine for all.

    Not everyone realises that and things end up competitive.

    1. Thank you Fozia, Alhamdulleh much better but still a long way for full recovery.
      Exactly, a trap people find them selves in way too much.

  4. I also truly believe that when one door closes another will open for us. I'm so glad you followed your heart and started posting what you are passionate about on social media <3

    1. Amen, I believe its always the case as long as we're trying and making an effort.
      Thank you Sumaira it really feels like freedom x

  5. Ma shaa Allah ma shaa Allah! Such an amazing post. Loved it. Every individual is unique and has a lot of hidden capabilities which are to be discovered.

    1. Thank you dear! indeed we all are, its just a matter of persistent and searching we can all find our hidden and god given capbilties and gifts.